Four Simple Guides for Social Media in Dealing with an Ex

Social media invades so many corners of life. It allows couples to meet, deepen their relationship and document the life cycle of their union. The one area social media causes far more harm than good rests in the space following a break up. 

Given the sensitive nature of an ex, people require a game plan to prevent themselves from making critical missteps leading to additional pain and struggles moving forward. Let's see what a savvy person can do after the relationship ends.

DO Take a Social Media Sabbatical

Taking a break from social media serves several purpose, some of which the individual may not even know they need. The hardest step to getting away from social media is always the first. People rarely realize the extent to which their life comes into contact with numerous apps and sites designed to keep people in touch with one another. Pull the plug, even metaphorically, as quickly as possible. The longer one waits the harder the transition will be.

DON'T Lurk

If deciding to stay online, it is ever more important to keep away from an ex's profile due to the types of information located there. Seeing an ex moving forward, who they are dating and their overall mood makes things more challenging and painful. Under no circumstances should one believe the falsehood perpetuated by telling themselves they only wish to see how their ex is doing. It may start in such a vein, but will end up leading into a difficult spiral which becomes harder to pull oneself out of the impending pit.

Four Simple Guides for Social Media in Dealing with an Ex 

DO Mute the Ex and Their Friends

As with not actively pursing an ex's feed, one needs to remove incoming triggers by silencing avenues of contact before they become problems. This starts with the mute button. Blocking, in most of the major social media sites, broadcasts a cutting of ties. While this may be the intent, it also projects the impression of fragility no one wishes to present. The mute button works behind the scenes like a filter like the one keeping a former co worker's restaurant reviews out of your feed. Though small, this action reduces the number of active triggers entering one's mind.

DON'T Broadcast Love Life

The temptation to document everything during a sensitive period will be heightened, especially if receiving updates from friends and family. Getting stuff out of one's head can be very beneficial. Working this out offline will bring the best results with a minimal amount of outside interference. Writing in a journal may place one in a pocket allowing for greater peace. Also, keeping the ups and downs of starting over offline will prevent additional pain from displaying all of the starts and stops to the world.

Social media connects everyone. It makes life easier while allowing the world to shrink. For healing to occur after a break up, one needs to step away from contact for a period of time, work things out in safe place with friends and family and slowly reintroduce social media back into the routine. Avoiding landmines presented by social media will speed recovery. It takes patience, time and discipline. Though difficult, it makes things better in the long run when finding the right person for the future.

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Three Reasons Guys Are Not Committing

The classic stereotype casts the woman in the role of the relational pursuer and the man as dragging his feet. In several movies, the put upon girlfriend eternally waits for the pending proposal from the boyfriend with his list of lame excuses. The thin reasons may be pointless vows or a magical spell causing him to only speak in gibberish. These examples resonate because they feel real from both sides. The guy clings to what he views as valid reasons. The lady struggles to understand while still seeking his affection.

What if there was not a lame reason? What if valid, emotional reasons existed for the guy? Would this be easier to accept?

The reasons might not speak to the woman, but one cannot deny everyone has reasons for the way they behave. Most people never fully grasp what they are feeling or why they act the way they do. Once determined, the other party becomes free to evaluate the reason to assess if they wish to remain waiting for changes in the situation.

Always Looking

Some guys refuse to commit for the same reason certain apartment renters never buy a house. An underlying assumption points to a phenomenon as old as time itself. Everyone thinks there might be something better, different, ideal or any other collection of adjectives. This locks an uncommitted man into a place of perpetual searching. More often than not, no magical answer exists. The follow up question for the woman in waiting is does she want to be viewed as "good enough" to stop the search. Often the answer is no because it implies all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Three Reasons Guys Are Not Committing 

Not the Right Time

How often has one been in a relationship with someone who gives an ultimatum? The line in the sand often sounds like "I'm never getting married no matter what." Flash forward a few years and this staunch single person is walking down the aisle. Did something magical happen in the interim? No, there was no magic unless the mystical energy of time is attributed. Graduation from college, a new job or a cross country move changes a person's place in the world. Time alters everything and everyone. Because no one proves immune to its power, the man resisting a relationship may get rocked into a place where they are open to all the joys of commitment to another.

Past Pain

This reason for lack of commitment becomes the most challenging. Not even the one being spurned wants continued pain for the one they profess to love. The damage done because of either past relationships or life trauma stunts the sufferer keeping them in a place where moving forward becomes impossible. For the one desiring a committed relationship, they sound reasonable in their mind and they are. However, the stuck person feels like they are being asked to climb an impossible wall with a massive load they never wanted. They need tenderness. Unfortunately, time and care may never erode the barrier keeping them from committing. In many ways, this situation proves the saddest because the one needing love the most cannot accept it.

Having said all of this, the decision to stay with someone who is having commitment issues, no matter the cause, and working through them requires great endurance. A woman must decide how deep her care for this person goes. She may love him a great deal and still decide it is best for them both to separate. These questions present multiple options for second guessing. Take the time and talk to each other before any final decisions are made. Then stay together or part with deep care for each other.

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How He Says "I Want You Back"

In most relationships, the result becomes binary. It is over, so there is no contact between the former members. The status goes from being "in a relationship" to "available." But what happens when a former lover makes a gesture of rekindling. Excitement can overshadow caution, or worse, bury signs of genuine longing by the other. Let's see how one might reveal their intent to reenter a romantic relationship with something to consider at the beginning.

A Word of Caution

Take stock of the situation surrounding the relationship and what actually occurred within it. If physical or emotional abuse existed, recall the charms used to place you in the situation to begin with. If constant infidelities shattered the trust, consider the steps necessary to rebuild the trust and if the potential for a return to pain would be worth it. Also, take stock of what is happening in both romantic lives currently including new relationships in the awkward growing phase. Those infant relationships present new challenges while presenting the possibility of flourishing into something richer than any recaptured magic.

With the caveat complete, more exciting and positive things await.

Asking About You

Some of the early, tentative signs requires him to get in touch with people surrounding you. He may reach out to friends and family to inquire about the status of your love life, what is going on and getting a high level feel for how you are doing. This can be challenging for him because he enters the initial ring of defense. These people, especially after a hard break up, will be more likely to rebuff him and stand ready to defend you from further pain. If willing to press through this outer barrier, it demonstrates his willingness to fight for contact with you.

How He Says "I Want You Back"

Random Direct Contact

Gone are the days of formal introductions and courtly politics to reestablish old alliances. Today, a text, email or other social media contact can act in this fashion. Early salvos need to be warm and address the past relationship. This means, especially if things ended poorly or hurtful things were said by him, the first message should contain a sincere apology for his portion of the conflict. Groveling is not a prerequisite. In fact, being too conciliatory may stir more suspicion than if he never brought the matter up at all. With clear relational decks, accept what he has to say and see if you wish to go farther.

Recalling the Past

One final way to know if he seeks to return to your life locks into the action of pointing back to past events. A foundation of shared history means milestones like anniversaries, special dates and locations hold sway over his heart. His discussion of them will also reveal just how much the time you two spent together meant to him. Hearing the details that mattered to him and teasing out why they made such an impact will give a clearer picture to how he viewed you then, how he sees you now and possibly what brought him back around to desiring a restart to the relationship.

Everyone longs for the redemption of an old relationship. Movies have centered around recapturing lost loves. Songs fill the airwaves with the promise of love returning. It speaks to the deepest parts of us as people. Being open to its possible return means things may flourish where all once seemed lost. All it takes is clear vision and an open heart.

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Women Dating in Retirement

Women Dating in Retirement
by Lee Johnson

Our need to emotionally bond does not change with aging as some have suggested. We will evaluate for different character traits when dating in retirement. But, the course of romance remains the same. I have talked to many women who, for various reasons, have given up on trying to find another mate. Some women don’t feel attractive or interested in men anymore, and some say they don’t want the trouble of a man. I can understand these reasons very well.

My sister is 58 years old and has been divorced for about 12 years now. But, she won’t date. She finally told me she just lost interest in sex. I know she wants companionship as she has a male friend whom she see every weekend. So, the need to bond with the opposite gender remains healthy and intact. She was a little surprised when I mention that males loose testosterone as their sex drive diminishes too. But, that still didn’t get her to date as she said, "Who wants to date an old lady like me?"

Maintaining a positive self image is important at any stage in life. As our bodies change, its common for both genders to be concerned about our self-confidence. But, we have all been rejected numerous times in life and we survived it. Remember not to let a prior difficult relationship cloud your judgment about moving forward to a better one. It’s probably the men who are more prone to being rejected since they initiate contact and ask for a date.

I checked with my female consultants who confirmed a few suggestions regarding confidence. The first is to always look your best. Men are very visual beings, as we all know, and they often go with first impressions. That means they take your entire appearance into consideration. Since looking attractive is important, dying your hair and wearing stylish attire are efforts you can easily make according to my group.

Women Dating in Retirement

The second suggestion is to look available and, if you’re comfortable with the idea, even sexy. Many of us have lost our connection to intimacy. But, it’s time to reconnect. If you think you can’t look attractive over 60 years old, have you seen photos of Connie Stevens, Jane Fonda, Meryl Streep, Tina Turner, Gladys Knight, Glenn Close, Goldie Hawn or Martha Stewart lately? Just being healthy is attractive at any age.

The third suggestion we all agreed upon is to try online dating. If your social circle is smaller in retirement, you need to be a bit more creative. Online dating narrows the field to people who are interested in a relationship and you don’t have to leave the house. It gives you the opportunity to browse the profiles of others anonymously. In this scenario, there is certainly no risk to you as you evaluate the possibilities in the safety of your home.

The fourth recommendation is the importance of displaying a positive attitude. No matter what happened in the past, we will make the future brighter. I personally like to use positive affirmations and imagery. Before I meet somebody for any reason, I close my eyes and visualize how the meeting will go. If it’s business, I envision a successful agreement. If it’s personal, I expect a successful connection. It’s amazing how behavior follows mental imagery. I started using guided imagery after reading Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain.

If there is still resistance to dating at our age, I sometimes ask the question, "Do you want to grow old and die alone?" It’s a blunt somewhat rhetorical question meant to be provocative. But, it gets people thinking more practically about the future of their social health. I would say that having a partner in retirement is more important than in midlife, since this relationship becomes the primary social support for many. Most of us will have medical procedures that require some help during recovery. Imagine if you became disabled for some reason, what would that be like without a partner who loves you? L. Johnson

More at: www.creativeretirementforwomen.com

More Information:

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Source: http://www.PopularArticles.com/article468417.html

Three Layers of Intimacy

Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, affectionate and loving relationship with another person. Even on its surface, the word is charged while cutting across multiple aspects of relationships. Culture squashes the word into a tiny box making it palatable for everyone and not challenging anyone. For couples to endure, their understanding of intimacy must extend beyond the traditional or simple delving into deeper areas of closeness, familiarity, love and affection.

Physical

In a culture obsessed with the physical, the simplest forms of intimacy fall into the purview of the body. Some of the greatest negotiations in a relationship can center around physical intimacy. From the first kiss to more personal acts, this is a dance played out starting with the first flirtations. Nervous teenagers are not the only ones to wonder if the first date will end in locking lips. Even the ones who know the final page of the date grow nervous when walked to the front door at the end of the evening because of intimacy of the act of kissing another person.

On a baseline level, physical intimacy cannot be pushed aside as a strictly biological hurdle to be bypassed. The excruciating sweetness of being near another person makes all the nerves and risk worth it. Even as it is important, physical intimacy is not the pinnacle of connection. Physical closeness does whisper delicious promises of deep depths than anyone else dares to dream of.


Communication

Intimacy in the midst of conversation reveals a great deal about the person. It can disclose dreams, hopes and the most fervent wants. Words, though sometimes crude tools, possess the gift to grant greater insight into the person in the relationships than any physical act alone could ever hope to ensnare.

Three Layers of Intimacy 

This intimacy sits firmly between physical intimacy and deeper waters because some of the first things shared can be the ways in which physical pleasure can be granted and received. It takes courage to stop a partner and request they linger on a neglected patch of flesh. The receiver gains greater insight into their partner and the sharer feels appreciated and closer to the other person. This communication is never limited to the corporeal, immediate or temporary. It can be a first and important step.

Emotional

The heart represents one of the deepest levels of intimacy for a couple. The heart holds so much in the way of seeing a person for who they are with the pains they have suffered, the hopes they strive for and the ways in which they seek to protect themselves. Imagine if a partner possess access to all of these things. How close would a couple be? How well would they know one another? How much love could they experience and express?

A couple without higher forms of intimacy may find this level almost impossible to reach without an intermediary. They may not feel safe around the other person. They might not feel as though their needs matter. This is why physical connection leads to speaking about such closeness and ends up revealing the deeper parts of themselves. While challenging, the sweetness of knowing someone on this level can only be matched by someone being know in a similar manner creating the be best infinite positive feedback loop.

Couples must step beyond what is easy and into what is deeply hard. Only in the center of a relationship filled with deep intimacy can all the benefits of lasting, passion love blossom. Take the chance to be as intimate with someone safe and taste the ambrosia of true love.

Five Pillars of Healthy Relationships

Ask any architect, educator or psychiatric professional the basis of producing anything of quality able to stand the test of time and they will point toward a strong foundation as the initial criteria. Without a solid foundation, nothing lasts. A scary aspect of foundation building centers around keeping every portion solid. A weak spot threatens the stability of the whole and leads to eventual collapse.

People acknowledge the wisdom of a strong foundation when building a house because of the physical nature of the foundation inherent to the structure. Establishing and maintaining a base for a relationship proves much trickier because individuals bring so much into their relationships from the way they have been raised, past hurts and their own need. Focusing on five key areas simplifies things while giving couples avenues for growth throughout the life of the relationships.

Respect

Mutual respect starts the process. It places a hedge around the couple by saying they value the other person. One of the greatest barriers to respect is setting aside the temptation of focusing on what a single partner treasures. In some ways, this should come naturally. As children, people receive training at a young age to get along with others, share and give others a chance to voice their beliefs and feelings. Respect needs to exist first to clear space for other pillars.

Trust

When forming a relationship, a sensation of safety where being hurt becomes drastically reduced causes both partners to feel wrapped in a warm blanket. Is it possible to develop a healthy relationship without trust? Absolutely not. Fear flourishes where partners are unable to trust one another. Even the smallest gap in the armor weakens the structure of the relationships making forward progress practically impossible.

Five Pillars of Healthy Relationships

Intimacy

This aspect within relationships come in many shades. Most couples may hear the word intimacy and immediately jump to the bedroom. This is a fraction of how true intimacy forms and displays itself. Couples who have been together for decades share the most intimate things with and without physical contact. Fortunately, the best way to be so close stems from being in a healthy relationship.

Communication

Is communication important in a relationship? Every relationship, whether romantic or not, never thrives without open communication. Couples who learn to speak from their heart, accept constructive criticism and seek to build up one another discover communication becomes easier. This aspect always takes work and operates ideally within a stable relationship.

Love

Out of a full heart, several of the other pillars can be supported. Love abounds when in a respectful, intimate, trusting and communicative environment. As a quality, love can act as the binding material drawing in and building up the other aspects of a healthy relationship.

Each of these qualities may exist alone in a relationship. Times occur when one needs to move to the foreground to address a concern. Regardless of the stage of the relationship, all five pillars need to be present if the couple intends to be close for a lifetime. Maintain respect, trust, intimacy, communication and love and the relationship will be strong enough to weather any storm.

The Secret you need to know to get your lover back! From the man that has helped over 50 000 people in 77 countries to get back together again!

Why He Can't Marry You (Even When He Secretly WANTS To)

Did you know that, when it comes to commitment, every man is in one of TWO emotional phases? - The ‘juvenile player’ phase... - And the grown up MAN phase. Grown up men are able to FULLY commit. But when a man is in the ‘juvenile player’ phase, he is more than happy to spend time naked in your bed... But will never take steps to move the relationship forward. Why?? Turns out that, psychologically, he actually can’t move to the next phase on his own. There’s even a name for this: it’s called Peter Pan syndrome. And it means that he is totally reliant on YOU to do it FOR him... ...to be the one woman who can inspire him to CHOOSE to grow up, become a MAN, and commit. And until you do... - he will be unwilling to talk about his feelings - unwilling to upgrade the relationship - and he won’t ever really FEEL the love he’s capable of feeling. Hey, he might say he does. He might call himself your boyfriend... or even your fiancée. He might even BELIEVE it (for now.) But until you can dissolve his invisible hangups about commitment (that he might not even realize are there)... He’ll always have one foot out the door emotionally... … and he’ll never truly become the MAN he was meant to be. If you want to see exactly how to dissolve these hangups, help him grow up, and have even the biggest player CHOOSE to commit himself heart, body, and soul to you... ...then go check out this quick cartoon my friend Mirabelle put together for you: ==> CLICK HERE When you do, all the foot dragging and weird emotional distance transforms into an absolute flood of affection, devotion, and undying connection... And you’ll see the biggest player of them all bending over backwards to change his ways for YOU. Remember, he can’t do it himself. He needs your help. Yours, YOUR NAME HERE PS: I want you to watch this cartoon right now because it shows you EXACTLY how to be the one woman who INSPIRES him to stop being a boy... ...and become a real MAN, the way it should be. ==> CLICK HERE