Article 1 In The Series of Articles On Communication

Will My Ex Be Back

Introduction

Next time you go to a restaurant, take a close look at what the other couples are doing.  Some will be flirting.  Others will be engaged in meaningful communication.  Some will be outright arguing while others will be expressing their hostility silently through body language.  Whatever the actual activity going on at the table, these couples are communicating something to each other.

Ask anyone what the best way to keep a relationship going is and nine out of ten will tell you it’s communication.  This has become a buzzword for how to make a relationship work. 

But despite all the talk about communication, if you’ll excuse the pun, so many people don’t know how to integrate it into their relationships. 

This report will look at the importance of communication, Communication Techniques, what not to do when you want to communicate, what to disclose, what to do if your mate won’t talk, and how to talk about sex.

Will My Ex Be Back

Communication Techniques

First of all, it should be said that there are no right or wrong ways to express yourself.  However, some techniques tend to work better than others.  Keep in mind that communication is an ongoing process; one conversation does not communication make.  Don’t focus on the “big talks” at the expense of the every day casual conversation that lubricates a relationship.

One of the most important techniques to master is direct communication. So many people expect that their partner should know what they mean without anything ever being said.  You need to be clear and direct about what you want and need.

This is true whether you want a behavioral changed, reassurance, companionship, support, lovemaking, or clarification of your partner’s position on an issue.  Your husband or wife is not a mind reader.

Sometimes people are vague because they are uncomfortable asking for things directly.  They may not want to state their positions unequivocally.  But you should realize that when you are honest and straightforward, you have a better chance of getting what you need.

Consider the following two scenarios.

1.) “When would you like to go out to dinner?”
2.) “I’m hungry and I would like to eat now.”

If you are hungry and want to eat now, the second statement – honest and straightforward – is more likely to help you achieve your goal.  The first statement may lead to mutual frustration.  Your partner may interpret it as an open question.  He or she may be comfortable eating in an hour or two and has no idea that you want to eat now. 

Using this “I need” statement can help even when you have a complaint about your partner.  When you take responsibility for your statements, you can often elicit change. 

The first statement is passive aggressive.  It asks the partner to make a deduction as to the person’s need.  When the partner doesn’t give the “right” answer, the person becomes hostile and wonders why the partner is not responsive to his needs.  This simple break down in communication can lead to more pervasive breakdowns as the process cycles down.

Don’t fall into the trap of accusing your partner of things.  Instead, tell them what you need.  Here’s two scenarios:

1.) You always leave the toilet seat up.
2.) I need you to put the toilet seat down.

Article 1 continues in Article 2 tomorrow.

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