Will My Ex Be Back

Will My Ex Be Back

söndag 30 oktober 2016

Regaining Trust After You've Cheated

When trust has been broken through infidelity, couples struggle to find their way. The betrayer finds hope scarce. However, this does not mean a possibility for a future ends at the point of cheating. One of the most important things when rebuilding trust is it takes time and patience. Proactive steps brings couples closer as they work through the process of rebuilding the trust.


Assume Responsibility

This seems to be clear, but often gets ignored. The first step is a clear apology with assumption of the wrong done to the other person. Though the first step, the act will never resolve everything. Things will not move forward productively without an acknowledgement of wrongdoing. The one who committed the act needs to resist explaining, offering excuses or being defensive despite the temptation to do so.

Be Consistent

After an act of betrayal, the wronged person doubts everything said and done by the one who broke the relationship. This makes things challenging because it calls into question previous events along with things moving forward. For this reason, it becomes critical the person rebuilding trust do all the things they say they are going to do when they say they will do it. The size of the act does not matter because each will have the same weight at this point. Set reminders as necessary to prevent a slip up and maintain stellar consistency. This will demonstrate the level of reliability.

Do Not Press

A strong urge to "get things over the awkward hump" creates a desire to move things forward. Throwing things past the difficult stage causes two serious concerns for the one who has been wronged.

1. Not Really Repentant: Rushing toward resolution gives the impression one is not truly sorry about what they did. No one enjoys being on the hook for harming their partner. In the end, it is better to be that position than presenting a position of apathy about the relation shattering act.

Shining heart
Regaining Trust After You've Cheated

2. Turning a Blind Eye: Fear of relational loss and shame over the damaging behavior can cause the betrayer to jump to the place of acting as though everything is fine. While understandable as a reason, this only takes into account one person's feelings and it is not the one who was betrayed.

Give Time to Grieve

The loss of trust in a relationship is no small bauble like a misplaced magnet. Because of its value, time needs to be taken to mourn its loss. Both people must wrestle with what happened, how the relationship has changed and the feelings they have for one another now. An inclination exists this step is only for the person who was wronged. This is not the case because the loss of trust hurts both people. Ignoring the pain will likely lead to a state of being bound to the damaging feelings rather than getting free to move forward.

Love Them As They Need

Letting the person who was hurt take the lead gives a clear indication as to how to proceed. If they wish intense contact and conversation, then take the time as a critical investment into the relationship. They may need acts of service as physical manifestations of the repentance the betrayer feels. This shift makes things much more difficult because the natural tendency in any relationship is to provide what is most convenient. One nice aspect of the focus shift centers around how they wish to be treated when things are not bad. Moving forward, this will help when times are good to bolster the relationship.

Hang In There

As stated previously, rebuilding trust takes time. There will be instances when it will seem things are no closer to being resolved than when the betrayal first came to light. Perseverance during this time will be the difference between couples that break under the pressure and those one the other side with a stronger relationship than before. Remember how much they mean and they are worth fighting for.

Relational trust, like a fine piece of china dropped on the kitchen floor, shatters easily sending tiny bits throughout the space. Some of the fractured pieces will never be found and the repair process leaves something with cracks running throughout it. Both partners need to share, listen and put in the time to rebuild the trust. This is the only way to move forward for without trust the relationship ends up being a relic on a high shelf no one looks at or uses. Do the hard work and rebuild the trust.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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tisdag 18 oktober 2016

Hitting Reset on Relational Expectations

Expectations prove tricky. When going to the movies, a glowing review from a friend may hype the story too much leading to a disappointing evening because it did not meet the lofty standards. It might have been better had the friend said nothing at all. The situation grows even more critical when returning to a relationship. Knowing pitfalls and the key areas where they land offers the opportunity to resuscitate expectations offering the greatest chance for success moving forward.


Time

With this category, the length of the relationship and level of comfort can set the expectation. Each person should come back in with fresh eyes which can be challenging. The correlation between a long relationship and high expectations will place pressure to return a similar level of togetherness without taking into account the time separated. Dial down the pressure in order to find the right amount of time in each other's company nestled between too much and not enough. Watch for growing pains. They will likely cause a bumpy road.

Teaming Up

If the relationship exploded, often couples find it harder to trust their partner will have their back even when certain assurances have been made. Feelings of a lack of support or honesty can be normal. Not placing too much pressure on forging an instant bond yields frustration.

Communicate

Falling into old communication patterns and expectations lead to future problems. Most couples with problems communicating end up separated. A return to a relationship never resolves the hidden pitfalls. Consider some good ideas to help with communication expectations.

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Hitting Reset on Relational Expectations

* Speak Up: A partner cannot guess what is being said unless it is spelled out. Hearing specific thoughts, feelings and needs forges a better bond.

* Extra Steps: Too often, couples want to leap immediately to the end. Go slow and add clarifying statements to make sure everyone is on the same page.

* Hard Work: No shortcuts exist for good communication, so expecting everything to be easy will only bring about more headaches and frustrations.

Heart Care

The place where unrealistic expectations can do the most damage is the emotional arena. A long foundation where conversations about the past and shared history bonds partners provides a shorthand to intimacy. It becomes easy to rely on the past rather than assessing the current state of things and moving forward accordingly. No couple, whether they were together previously or not, should hold their partner to a standard they are not willing to keep themselves.

* The bond never develops from the moment the relationship restarts. Lower the intimacy bond.
* Using the past as a guide, watch to see how a partner may have grown or changed in the time apart. Raise the encouragement.
* Pay attention to what the other person needs by asking and experimenting with new ways to share love. Raise the heart.


Expectations, like weeds in a garden, show areas where work needs to occur and may choke out healthy growth if ignored. Wisdom gives one the chance to temper a critical heart and tongue. Making sure a future exists starts with not apply an old paradigm to something new. Keep an open heart, give love a chance and every expectation will be topped.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…