Will My Ex Be Back

Will My Ex Be Back

fredag 30 december 2016

Second Try at Living Together

Couples may see taking another pass at their relationship, including moving back in together, after a break up as either overly simple or impossibly difficult. The good news lies somewhere in between the two poles. The trickiest thing will be the return to cohabitation as the majority of pitfalls occur when people reduce their footprint as it allows for all the challenges to be magnified. Taking certain steps increases the chances of success.

Know the Why

Moving in together can be done for multiple reasons. One should understand the specific reasons they and their partner are looking to join forces in the most intimate way. Being aware of this before taking the plunge prevents any problems achieving those goals. If one of the couple is not on board, everything may end as their first pass. What are some possible whys?

* Taking a Next Step: Some couples say this is making sure they are compatible in a living arrangement.
* Saving Money: With an eye toward the future, couples may wish to cut expense and put the money aside for a big purchase.
* Finding a Lease Release: A lease ends and one apartment is not getting used that much anyway.
* Longing for More Time: Couples want to be in proximity to one another.

These and countless other reasons can crop up to explain why it is time to move back in together. This may become trickier after the first time of living together because one might decide to say what their partner wishes to hear rather than being honest about what they feel.

Create Separation

The second time around resist the urge to meld everything into one big mass. The individuals must have individual parts of themselves to permit vitality within themselves and the relationship. Let's take a look at some things needing a slice of separation.

I wish all wishes are fulfilled this year
Second Try at Living Together 

Personal Possession: Combining streaming queues and full libraries along with pots and pans the first week may lead to trouble if another uncouple occurs.

Finances: Keep financial responsibilities apart for the short term. There can be a joint account or separation of bills, so everyone is equally committed to the relationship.

Space/Time/Activities: Each person needs to have a space to get away to, time to themselves and things they pursue without their partner. This adds variety, conversation points and areas for personal growth.

Proceed with Caution and Hope

Too often, couples taking a second tour are wiser for the first attempt. They recall fights along with hot button issues. Because of this, they can go slow without creating an environment of distrust. At the same time, they should not be living as though it will all go wrong. An open heart and mind will permit conversations about the future without short changing the expected growth.

Moving forward, the couple staying together witness several of these safeguards will fall by the wayside naturally. Money talks will be about the couple and not the individual. Shared activities will become more common. Libraries and home goods will grow indistinguishable from who they started with. Holding on too long to separateness will prevent growth. If one uses fear to prevent progression, they need to talk with their partner. Getting closer means talking about it and stretching for the future.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

söndag 30 oktober 2016

Regaining Trust After You've Cheated

When trust has been broken through infidelity, couples struggle to find their way. The betrayer finds hope scarce. However, this does not mean a possibility for a future ends at the point of cheating. One of the most important things when rebuilding trust is it takes time and patience. Proactive steps brings couples closer as they work through the process of rebuilding the trust.


Assume Responsibility

This seems to be clear, but often gets ignored. The first step is a clear apology with assumption of the wrong done to the other person. Though the first step, the act will never resolve everything. Things will not move forward productively without an acknowledgement of wrongdoing. The one who committed the act needs to resist explaining, offering excuses or being defensive despite the temptation to do so.

Be Consistent

After an act of betrayal, the wronged person doubts everything said and done by the one who broke the relationship. This makes things challenging because it calls into question previous events along with things moving forward. For this reason, it becomes critical the person rebuilding trust do all the things they say they are going to do when they say they will do it. The size of the act does not matter because each will have the same weight at this point. Set reminders as necessary to prevent a slip up and maintain stellar consistency. This will demonstrate the level of reliability.

Do Not Press

A strong urge to "get things over the awkward hump" creates a desire to move things forward. Throwing things past the difficult stage causes two serious concerns for the one who has been wronged.

1. Not Really Repentant: Rushing toward resolution gives the impression one is not truly sorry about what they did. No one enjoys being on the hook for harming their partner. In the end, it is better to be that position than presenting a position of apathy about the relation shattering act.

Shining heart
Regaining Trust After You've Cheated

2. Turning a Blind Eye: Fear of relational loss and shame over the damaging behavior can cause the betrayer to jump to the place of acting as though everything is fine. While understandable as a reason, this only takes into account one person's feelings and it is not the one who was betrayed.

Give Time to Grieve

The loss of trust in a relationship is no small bauble like a misplaced magnet. Because of its value, time needs to be taken to mourn its loss. Both people must wrestle with what happened, how the relationship has changed and the feelings they have for one another now. An inclination exists this step is only for the person who was wronged. This is not the case because the loss of trust hurts both people. Ignoring the pain will likely lead to a state of being bound to the damaging feelings rather than getting free to move forward.

Love Them As They Need

Letting the person who was hurt take the lead gives a clear indication as to how to proceed. If they wish intense contact and conversation, then take the time as a critical investment into the relationship. They may need acts of service as physical manifestations of the repentance the betrayer feels. This shift makes things much more difficult because the natural tendency in any relationship is to provide what is most convenient. One nice aspect of the focus shift centers around how they wish to be treated when things are not bad. Moving forward, this will help when times are good to bolster the relationship.

Hang In There

As stated previously, rebuilding trust takes time. There will be instances when it will seem things are no closer to being resolved than when the betrayal first came to light. Perseverance during this time will be the difference between couples that break under the pressure and those one the other side with a stronger relationship than before. Remember how much they mean and they are worth fighting for.

Relational trust, like a fine piece of china dropped on the kitchen floor, shatters easily sending tiny bits throughout the space. Some of the fractured pieces will never be found and the repair process leaves something with cracks running throughout it. Both partners need to share, listen and put in the time to rebuild the trust. This is the only way to move forward for without trust the relationship ends up being a relic on a high shelf no one looks at or uses. Do the hard work and rebuild the trust.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

tisdag 18 oktober 2016

Hitting Reset on Relational Expectations

Expectations prove tricky. When going to the movies, a glowing review from a friend may hype the story too much leading to a disappointing evening because it did not meet the lofty standards. It might have been better had the friend said nothing at all. The situation grows even more critical when returning to a relationship. Knowing pitfalls and the key areas where they land offers the opportunity to resuscitate expectations offering the greatest chance for success moving forward.


Time

With this category, the length of the relationship and level of comfort can set the expectation. Each person should come back in with fresh eyes which can be challenging. The correlation between a long relationship and high expectations will place pressure to return a similar level of togetherness without taking into account the time separated. Dial down the pressure in order to find the right amount of time in each other's company nestled between too much and not enough. Watch for growing pains. They will likely cause a bumpy road.

Teaming Up

If the relationship exploded, often couples find it harder to trust their partner will have their back even when certain assurances have been made. Feelings of a lack of support or honesty can be normal. Not placing too much pressure on forging an instant bond yields frustration.

Communicate

Falling into old communication patterns and expectations lead to future problems. Most couples with problems communicating end up separated. A return to a relationship never resolves the hidden pitfalls. Consider some good ideas to help with communication expectations.

Animated graphic
Hitting Reset on Relational Expectations

* Speak Up: A partner cannot guess what is being said unless it is spelled out. Hearing specific thoughts, feelings and needs forges a better bond.

* Extra Steps: Too often, couples want to leap immediately to the end. Go slow and add clarifying statements to make sure everyone is on the same page.

* Hard Work: No shortcuts exist for good communication, so expecting everything to be easy will only bring about more headaches and frustrations.

Heart Care

The place where unrealistic expectations can do the most damage is the emotional arena. A long foundation where conversations about the past and shared history bonds partners provides a shorthand to intimacy. It becomes easy to rely on the past rather than assessing the current state of things and moving forward accordingly. No couple, whether they were together previously or not, should hold their partner to a standard they are not willing to keep themselves.

* The bond never develops from the moment the relationship restarts. Lower the intimacy bond.
* Using the past as a guide, watch to see how a partner may have grown or changed in the time apart. Raise the encouragement.
* Pay attention to what the other person needs by asking and experimenting with new ways to share love. Raise the heart.


Expectations, like weeds in a garden, show areas where work needs to occur and may choke out healthy growth if ignored. Wisdom gives one the chance to temper a critical heart and tongue. Making sure a future exists starts with not apply an old paradigm to something new. Keep an open heart, give love a chance and every expectation will be topped.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

tisdag 20 september 2016

Four Simple Guides for Social Media in Dealing with an Ex

Social media invades so many corners of life. It allows couples to meet, deepen their relationship and document the life cycle of their union. The one area social media causes far more harm than good rests in the space following a break up. 


Given the sensitive nature of an ex, people require a game plan to prevent themselves from making critical missteps leading to additional pain and struggles moving forward. Let's see what a savvy person can do after the relationship ends.

DO Take a Social Media Sabbatical

Taking a break from social media serves several purpose, some of which the individual may not even know they need. The hardest step to getting away from social media is always the first. People rarely realize the extent to which their life comes into contact with numerous apps and sites designed to keep people in touch with one another. Pull the plug, even metaphorically, as quickly as possible. The longer one waits the harder the transition will be.

DON'T Lurk

If deciding to stay online, it is ever more important to keep away from an ex's profile due to the types of information located there. Seeing an ex moving forward, who they are dating and their overall mood makes things more challenging and painful. Under no circumstances should one believe the falsehood perpetuated by telling themselves they only wish to see how their ex is doing. It may start in such a vein, but will end up leading into a difficult spiral which becomes harder to pull oneself out of the impending pit.

Your voice is my favorite sound
Four Simple Guides for Social Media in Dealing with an Ex 

DO Mute the Ex and Their Friends

As with not actively pursing an ex's feed, one needs to remove incoming triggers by silencing avenues of contact before they become problems. This starts with the mute button. Blocking, in most of the major social media sites, broadcasts a cutting of ties. While this may be the intent, it also projects the impression of fragility no one wishes to present. The mute button works behind the scenes like a filter like the one keeping a former co worker's restaurant reviews out of your feed. Though small, this action reduces the number of active triggers entering one's mind.

DON'T Broadcast Love Life

The temptation to document everything during a sensitive period will be heightened, especially if receiving updates from friends and family. Getting stuff out of one's head can be very beneficial. Working this out offline will bring the best results with a minimal amount of outside interference. Writing in a journal may place one in a pocket allowing for greater peace. Also, keeping the ups and downs of starting over offline will prevent additional pain from displaying all of the starts and stops to the world.

Social media connects everyone. It makes life easier while allowing the world to shrink. For healing to occur after a break up, one needs to step away from contact for a period of time, work things out in safe place with friends and family and slowly reintroduce social media back into the routine. Avoiding landmines presented by social media will speed recovery. It takes patience, time and discipline. Though difficult, it makes things better in the long run when finding the right person for the future.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

måndag 5 september 2016

Three Reasons Guys Are Not Committing

The classic stereotype casts the woman in the role of the relational pursuer and the man as dragging his feet. In several movies, the put upon girlfriend eternally waits for the pending proposal from the boyfriend with his list of lame excuses. The thin reasons may be pointless vows or a magical spell causing him to only speak in gibberish. These examples resonate because they feel real from both sides. The guy clings to what he views as valid reasons. The lady struggles to understand while still seeking his affection.


What if there was not a lame reason? What if valid, emotional reasons existed for the guy? Would this be easier to accept?

The reasons might not speak to the woman, but one cannot deny everyone has reasons for the way they behave. Most people never fully grasp what they are feeling or why they act the way they do. Once determined, the other party becomes free to evaluate the reason to assess if they wish to remain waiting for changes in the situation.

Always Looking

Some guys refuse to commit for the same reason certain apartment renters never buy a house. An underlying assumption points to a phenomenon as old as time itself. Everyone thinks there might be something better, different, ideal or any other collection of adjectives. This locks an uncommitted man into a place of perpetual searching. More often than not, no magical answer exists. The follow up question for the woman in waiting is does she want to be viewed as "good enough" to stop the search. Often the answer is no because it implies all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Animated graphic
Three Reasons Guys Are Not Committing 

Not the Right Time

How often has one been in a relationship with someone who gives an ultimatum? The line in the sand often sounds like "I'm never getting married no matter what." Flash forward a few years and this staunch single person is walking down the aisle. Did something magical happen in the interim? No, there was no magic unless the mystical energy of time is attributed. Graduation from college, a new job or a cross country move changes a person's place in the world. Time alters everything and everyone. Because no one proves immune to its power, the man resisting a relationship may get rocked into a place where they are open to all the joys of commitment to another.

Past Pain

This reason for lack of commitment becomes the most challenging. Not even the one being spurned wants continued pain for the one they profess to love. The damage done because of either past relationships or life trauma stunts the sufferer keeping them in a place where moving forward becomes impossible. For the one desiring a committed relationship, they sound reasonable in their mind and they are. However, the stuck person feels like they are being asked to climb an impossible wall with a massive load they never wanted. They need tenderness. Unfortunately, time and care may never erode the barrier keeping them from committing. In many ways, this situation proves the saddest because the one needing love the most cannot accept it.

Having said all of this, the decision to stay with someone who is having commitment issues, no matter the cause, and working through them requires great endurance. A woman must decide how deep her care for this person goes. She may love him a great deal and still decide it is best for them both to separate. These questions present multiple options for second guessing. Take the time and talk to each other before any final decisions are made. Then stay together or part with deep care for each other.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

torsdag 5 maj 2016

How He Says "I Want You Back"

In most relationships, the result becomes binary. It is over, so there is no contact between the former members. The status goes from being "in a relationship" to "available." But what happens when a former lover makes a gesture of rekindling. Excitement can overshadow caution, or worse, bury signs of genuine longing by the other. Let's see how one might reveal their intent to reenter a romantic relationship with something to consider at the beginning.

A Word of Caution

Take stock of the situation surrounding the relationship and what actually occurred within it. If physical or emotional abuse existed, recall the charms used to place you in the situation to begin with. If constant infidelities shattered the trust, consider the steps necessary to rebuild the trust and if the potential for a return to pain would be worth it. Also, take stock of what is happening in both romantic lives currently including new relationships in the awkward growing phase. Those infant relationships present new challenges while presenting the possibility of flourishing into something richer than any recaptured magic.


With the caveat complete, more exciting and positive things await.

Asking About You

Some of the early, tentative signs requires him to get in touch with people surrounding you. He may reach out to friends and family to inquire about the status of your love life, what is going on and getting a high level feel for how you are doing. This can be challenging for him because he enters the initial ring of defense. These people, especially after a hard break up, will be more likely to rebuff him and stand ready to defend you from further pain. If willing to press through this outer barrier, it demonstrates his willingness to fight for contact with you.

When you part your lips to smile
How He Says "I Want You Back"

Random Direct Contact

Gone are the days of formal introductions and courtly politics to reestablish old alliances. Today, a text, email or other social media contact can act in this fashion. Early salvos need to be warm and address the past relationship. This means, especially if things ended poorly or hurtful things were said by him, the first message should contain a sincere apology for his portion of the conflict. Groveling is not a prerequisite. In fact, being too conciliatory may stir more suspicion than if he never brought the matter up at all. With clear relational decks, accept what he has to say and see if you wish to go farther.

Recalling the Past

One final way to know if he seeks to return to your life locks into the action of pointing back to past events. A foundation of shared history means milestones like anniversaries, special dates and locations hold sway over his heart. His discussion of them will also reveal just how much the time you two spent together meant to him. Hearing the details that mattered to him and teasing out why they made such an impact will give a clearer picture to how he viewed you then, how he sees you now and possibly what brought him back around to desiring a restart to the relationship.

Everyone longs for the redemption of an old relationship. Movies have centered around recapturing lost loves. Songs fill the airwaves with the promise of love returning. It speaks to the deepest parts of us as people. Being open to its possible return means things may flourish where all once seemed lost. All it takes is clear vision and an open heart.

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If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…