Recognizing An Abusive Relationship

In spite of what many women may believe, abuse of any kind in a relationship isn’t acceptable. It’s NOT normal and doesn’t mean love. If you’re in a relationship where your partner goes off on tangents because you’ve set the dinner table incorrectly, he’s probably abusive. There are some things that you need to understand about what constitutes abuse and what doesn’t.

For one thing, you should let your feelings guide you in certain instances. If you’re afraid all the time and you walk on eggshells around your partner for fear of setting him off, you’re probably in an abusive relationship. No one should ever have to live that way and certainly not with someone that’s supposed to love them. On the other hand, if your feelings are telling you that you’re a horrible wife or girlfriend and you DESERVE the various punishments that come your way for imagined wrongs, then you DON’T need to listen to yourself. You need to seek some help for those feelings of worthlessness.

Abuse comes in many forms and it’s important to recognize them. Obviously, if your partner is hitting you, it’s abuse. However, sometimes it’s not quite cut and dried. Mental and verbal abuse can be just as serious. The scars may not be physically visible but they’re in places that can affect you throughout your entire life. For example, being told over and over again how worthless you are and how you can’t do anything right may not SEEM like a huge deal until you realize that you’re starting to believe this about yourself.

Other men will do everything they can to convince their partners that if they leave, the worse things they ever feared would happen to them will, indeed, come to pass. Yes, these abusers don’t leave physical marks, but they ARE just as dangerous to the quality of your life as the ones that lash out with their fists or weapons.

Men that abuse the women they proclaim to love are, simply put, monsters. They’re weak, petty, insecure, cowardly little creatures that feel the only way they can keep a woman with them is through a show of force. If they can control every move these women make, then they’ll never be alone because the women are too terrified to leave. Now, isn’t that a wonderful way to conduct a relationship? These men truly believe that they can FORCE women into loving them. Well, fear and love aren’t the same.
There are a few ground rules that you should remember in order to keep yourself out of abusive relationships. First, NO ONE has the right to beat you into submission. You should never feel afraid of the one who is supposed love you, and if you are, it’s time to leave and figure out why. An abusive relationship is NOT better than being alone. If you’re alone, you’ve got a better chance of leading a quality life, whereas, with an abuser, you’ll never have that.

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Just remember that abuse is NOT love and that it never will be. Abuse is about control, power, and cruelty. It’s also about danger. Be brave and get out if you’re in a relationship like this. There ARE people that will help and protect you while you build a new life.

Will My Ex Be Back:4th Article In The Series On "Sparks Of Love"

This article is the 4th article in the series of articles on "Sparks of Love"

Physical Attractiveness

You look at your mate much more than you look at yourself. For that reason, you need to be fairly satisfied with the physical attractiveness of the person you are with. Dissatisfaction will undermine the entire relationship.

This is not to say that you have to date a model or a jock in order to be happy with your partner. But, you probably don't want to be physically revolted by them either.

You should know that people tend to find someone more attractive once they have fallen in love. So, you shouldn't put off a first date just because the person doesn't fit the ideal that you have imagined.

Sex

Sex helps you stay emotionally bonded with your partner. Usually, your partner is the person you most want to be emotionally intimate with and sex facilitates that process.

There are a number of factors which help to determine how satisfied you are in your sex life. These include being attracted to your partner, having an emotional bond, and resolving problems that occur outside of the bedroom.

But there is also the matter of how much skill and inhibition you have in the bedroom. Remember, while practice may not make perfect, it does make for a lot of fun.

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Investment in the Relationship

In many relationship, a woman is madly in love with a man and the man is only casually interested in the woman. This also happens the other way of course. If the partners have different investments in the relationship, it is doomed to failure.

Think about what you are putting into the relationship and what you are getting out of it. If the two don't balance, think about whether the investment is unequal. If it is, consider whether this is going to work out long term.

Power

What is the power balance in your relationship? Some conservative cultures give all of the power – including the sole right to divorce – to the man. In some relationships, one person has more power due to a stronger financial position. Other times, one partner just has a personality that overwhelms the other.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, power balances are quite fragile. But if a relationship is going to work, these issues need to even out over time.

Financial Attitudes

Are you a spender or a saver? Can you get along with someone with a different financial attitude than you have? One recent study showed that spenders tend to marry savers in order to moderate their behavior and savers marry spenders to liberate theirs. But, if your outlooks on finance are too different, there could be serious conflict within the relationship.

Remember that money is one of the most common – and crippling – problems in relationships. So, get a clear idea on how your partner feels about finance before you marry and then work out your money issues as you go along.

What Doesn't Matter

Just as there are things that really matter in relationships, there are also things that don't matter. These are common misconceptions and myths about what makes a relationship succeed.

Tomorrows article will be the 5th article in the series of articles on "Spark of Love".

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