Getting Past the Shame

Tabloids love to expose the worst behaviors in people – putting their faults and failures on display for everyone to see (or at least the people in the checkout line at the grocery store).

The covers of tabloids are always full of the latest infidelity scandal involving some well-known person; be it a politician, a movie star or an athlete.

While they show the world the awful things that the celebrity did, they typically ignore the feelings of the betrayed spouse. Not only are they coming to grips with the hurtful behaviors of their spouse, they are faced with the embarrassment and shame of having the entire world as a spectator to their personal pain.

Most likely, if you are in a relationship where your spouse cheated, it will not be front page news. You don’t have to worry about wondering if the neighbors saw the paper, if the reporters are going to follow you around, if your personal life is about to become fodder for public amusement.

But the feelings are still the same, and your personal shame will feel very public. You may find yourself walking through a store and wonder if people could tell that you had been betrayed.

Can your co-workers see on your face that something horrible has happened? What will other people think about you now? You can lose yourself in the worry about what other people think of you based on the actions that your spouse took.

Getting Past the Shame

Don’t fall into that trap. It’s destructive and self-defeating. First of all, no one knows. Chances are good that no one would ever know unless you (or your wayward spouse) choose to tell them. While you may be obviously sad, or upset, without you giving other people the details, they’ll have no idea.

It is important to come to grips with the reality: your spouse cheated. Give yourself a time limit for being in shock, and then it will be time to start putting things back together. Set a date (2 or 3 days, max) to wear pajamas, eat copious amounts of ice cream and go through a couple boxes of tissues. During those couple of days you can cry, yell, or sit in silence.

At the end of your shock deadline, put your attention on getting past the shame of what happened. The fault for another’s actions can only lie with that person. Trying to figure out why they did it to you or how they could betray you will only use up time and energy; you will come up with very little in the way of answers.

Regardless of what reasons and excuses were used to get to the point of cheating, the truth is that your spouse is the one responsible for their actions. Don’t take the shame of the situation on yourself – you are not the one who cheated.

Once you have confronted your new reality and have worked through the pain of realizing it is not your fault, you can start to make changes and decisions about how to move forward. It is possible to recover and move on. The pain will linger and it will take time, but you can do it.

How Can I Make Her Love Me Again?

Believe it or not, most women don’t leave their men because they’ve stopped loving them. They don’t pull away because you’re not attractive to her anymore. Most of the time, it’s not usually anything you’ve done that’s pushed her away. Believe it or not, there’s an old country song that has it right – for the most part. It’s not what you did. It’s all those things you didn’t do.



Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it’s all your fault!

I’m a firm believer that it takes two to tango. She never spoke up and told you what she needed from you. But, really, how often do you tell her what you need her to do for you?

While the song may be a few decades old by now, there is wisdom in those old lyrics. If you’re trying to make your relationship work and put a little bit of the love back in it, then you need to remember all the things he forgot.

Tell Her You Love Her

Don’t take it for granted that she knows. Tell her. Show her. Shout it out from the rooftops, but make sure she knows, without a doubt, that you only have eyes for her.

How Can I Make Her Love Me Again?

Listen to What She has to Say

This one is hard. Men and women often live in different worlds when it comes to language. She starts talking and sometimes your eyes just glaze over with this faraway look. She notices this and it hurts. You’re going to have to really listen, like the man in the Klondike commercial. It will impress her and make her feel like she really is important to you.

Make Time for Her

But don’t make her feel like it’s a sacrifice. You really should want to do things together once in a great while. Weekly date nights are a small thing, but when done right, they can mean so much for the romance and love in your relationship. It’s one night a week that lets her know she’s still the woman you love.

Let Her Know She Still Rocks Your World

Tell her how beautiful she is. No matter how many times she dismisses it, she secretly loves to hear you say it. She wants to know that she still turns you on and that you’re not turning to her because she’s available. She wants to know that your fires are still burning bright for her just as much as you want to know that she still digs you too.

You don’t have to go to charm school. You don’t have to step outside of your league, get a second job, or lose 100 pounds to get her to love you again. All you really need to do is let her know that you’re still the man she fell for so long ago.

Could You Be Spending Your Way to a Breakup?

The number one cause of breakups and divorces around the world isn't what most people think it is. It isn't infidelity, in spite of the high number of people in relationships admitting to cheating. Instead, it is arguments over money. If spending is a problem in your relationship, then it's time to make serious changes or risk losing the love that's so important to you.

Do You Have Arguments over Your Spending?

There are plenty of things to argue about in relationships today. Most couples don't need any help finding a few meaty bones of contention. However, arguments over money and the financial foundation of the relationship and/or family tend to be some of the weightiest arguments couples today can have. Before you head on over to Divorce Court or book your stay at Heartbreak Hotel, however, it's a good idea to try a few simply strategies to keep your arguments over spending from becoming harbingers of doom for your relationship.

1) Focus on a Solution to Your Spending Dilemma. Instead of feeling guilty, angry, or putout; seek solutions that leave you both feeling as though your voice is being heard and your needs are being met. The key is to come up with those solutions together.

Could You Be Spending Your Way to a Breakup?

2) Create a Family Budget. Whether yours is a family of two or there are children involved in the relationship, there needs to be a budget that covers everyone as much as possible and leaves everyone with a little money to spend on whatever floats your boat. The secret to success is to keep the purchases small so they can continue and avoid purchases that will unseat the budget for necessities within the month.

3) Keep Separate Accounts. It's one thing to have a joint account for the monthly bills. However, both of you need private money to spend. The best way to do this is to have both of you contributing to the monthly bills and savings from your own accounts and then each of you having a little bit left over at the end of the bills to devote to your own pleasure.

4) Get Help if Spending is Becoming too Big to Handle on Your Own. Some spending issues are simply symptoms of a bigger overall problem. It could be compulsive spending or even a shopping addiction that fills a very real emotional void. If spending is beginning to cause problems with other relationships in your life, then it's time to get help so you can move on to a more normal life than you've experienced in the past.

Spending can be a real problem for relationships -- especially if it's ignored. The problem with spending becoming a problem is that it will never get fixed if it isn't seen for the problem that it is and addressed as a problem and not a minor annoyance.

Reasons to Move on After Heartbreak

The world is constantly changing and so are you. And just because a certain someone was right for you at one time doesn't mean they always will be. This is true in virtually every area of life including your career, home, habits, and your relationships.

Although we can't visibly see it, we are continually evolving into a bigger and better version of ourselves. Sometimes, as much as it hurts, we have to let go of someone because we grew in a different direction from them.

It's not good or bad - it just is. And the sooner you realize this, the quicker you can heal your heartbreak and move on with your own life. Have you even considered there's someone better for you out there? Someone perhaps more compatible?

Your lifestyle and the lifestyle of the person who broke your heart eventually stopped being compatible. If you can accept that your values were heading on a different course, you will understand why your union was temporary whether you were with them 3 years or 30 years. People change.

Let's explore why it's in your best interest to let go and move on.

1. Your Partner's Negativity is Starting to Make You Negative

Your partner's negativity is starting to rub off on you, and since you are the company you keep - you're turning into a negative, sour person.

Who you spend the majority of your time with greatly influences the person you are evolving into. Ever notice how your mood changes if you're around negative, pessimistic people for any length of time?

2. You and Your Partner Have Grown Apart

Sadly, no matter how much you wish things could be different, either you or your partner has slowly progressed away from your fundamental values. Truthfully, this is a natural part of life in many instances. Can you imagine how dreadful it would be if nothing and no one ever evolved, progressed, or changed? Unfortunately, this principle applies to couples as well and they simply grow apart.

Reasons to Move on After Heartbreak 

3. Your Primary Goals and Needs Have Changed

What worked for you in the beginning of a relationship no longer works now. You are different and so is your partner. You're not the same person you were 5 minutes ago let alone after 5 years. It's hard to let go and may be difficult to start fresh with your new truth, but it's necessary.

4. You are Afraid to Let Go

Depending on how long you've been in a relationship with someone, it may be overwhelming and scary to think of yourself on your own.

So you have to ask yourself - do you want to remain in a miserable but somewhat secure (financial) relationship? Or take a leap of faith in order to find a level of happiness you've never known before?

Don't let your disappointments and fears hold you back from living your best life ever.

5. Old Grudges and Resentments

You're letting an old grudge keep you from complete happiness and joy. Holding on to hatred, resentment, and anger doesn't hurt or affect the other person, it only hurts you.

Forgiving someone doesn't mean it's okay what they did to you; what it does mean is you're willing to forgive, forget, and move on. The Universe will take care of their wrongdoings in terms of karma, so no worries there.

Let go of the pain this person has caused you and anyone else for that matter. The grudge is only hurting you.

No matter how much it hurts, sometimes the best and obvious answer is to simply let go and move on. And when you do, doors will open for you in ways you never thought possible. Trust that it will happen, and it will.

How to Make Her Fall in Love With You Again

How often do you wish you could simply turn back the clock and start over with your love? The desire to do so is more prevalent and commonplace than you probably realize. Fortunately, you don't need a time machine, magic carpet, or handy dandy neuralyzer, like the one Tommy Lee Jones used to erase memories in the movie Men in Black, to help your girl fall in love with you all over again. Here are a few tactics you do need to keep in mind, though, if you want your efforts to be successful.

Make it all About Her

Now is the time to put your idea of romance on the shelf. When you're working to win her back, you need to go back to the basics and make a concentrated effort to literally sweep her off her feet and back into your arms. Revisit your first date. Even if the exact location isn't feasible for the two of you now (distance, time, no longer in business, etc.) try to create a date that gives a nod back to your first days together. It will leave her thinking about happier times and have you both remembering the endearing qualities about each other that made you fall in love in the first place.

How to Make Her Fall in Love With You Again

Make Her Laugh

After a while, relationships become so serious. We seem to take all the fun out of them. Most women have stated, more than once, that their man's sense of humor was what attracted her to him in the first place. The Levi's or Wrangler's, depending on where you're from, ran a close second. The big point to take away from all this is that laughter is the way to her heart more often than not. If your goal is to win her back, then making her laugh is a great place to begin.

Romance her Between the Ears

Chocolates, flowers, and romantic gestures are all well and good. If you want to set her heart aflutter, however, you're going to have to touch the space between her ears. Yes, it's the brain. It’s a scary proposition for many guys, but today's woman is bright, savvy, and one tough cookie. Reaching out and touching her heart will only get her attention briefly. If you want to hold onto that attention, you're going to have to give her something to wrap her mind around.

It may seem a little hard to do at first, but once you begin practicing these pathways to success, you're sure to find a much better success rating for your efforts to win her back.

Sharing Life Sincerely

Couples enmeshed in relationships find themselves requiring a bond beyond those of work or even familial relationships. A conversation with a friend might stop short before broaching uncomfortable topics or entering into long held beliefs. For strong and meaningful relationships, couples need to plunge deeper into conversations, experiences and one another.


Talking Into Depth

People in relationship note communication as a sticking point for being seen and seeing their partner. One might not feel heard. Someone may believe they understand their partner's needs. These hover near the surface. Living a deeper life requires an in depth form of communication.

Basic Structure: Most couples state their own needs easily believing they have a clear understanding of what brings them happiness, how they feel heard or the best method to explain their plans for the future. Normally, two people speaking focus on their side of the equation. Even the best communicators can miss the structure of communication being a two way street.

Deeper Action: Taking simple steps to improve deeper communication will allow couples to hear more than the things issuing from their side of the conversation.

* Quiet Setting-Shutting down devices like phones, tablets and television reduces the outside clutter.
* Repeat the Message-Stating what has been heard from their partner demonstrates the person's investment in listening and absorbing the other half of the conversation.
* Take Risks-Sharing more than surface thoughts and feelings allow for greater trust while giving a deeper insight into what is occurring in one's own heart.

Sharing Life Sincerely 

Change in Setting

Too often people seek comfortable ways to interact with one another. Because of this safety, rarely do partners see the ones they love in a vulnerable state. Taking this risk does not need to involve shedding tears. It can be as simple as doing something out of the ordinary.

* Get Outside-Moving about in a different environment might allow for new conversations. A hike a few miles outside the city or a walking tour downtown gets the blood, mind and mouths moving.
* Try an Activity-Playing a game, drawing with sidewalk chalk or cooking a meal together permits couples to see new sides of each other. The greatest challenge is not judging each other during the "try out" period. It is often best to pick something neither has much experience with.
* Day Trip-Going on a short trip to a new town breaks up the routine. Taking a day off work during the middle of the week, go for a drive and then find a fun lunch spot where a meal can be shared offers an instant adventure. This proves challenging, but can be rewarding.

Getting Heart Deep

The hardest conversations for couples never center around simple, surface items. The things held close to the heart and well guarded challenges every couple. Too often, both are holding things back. They may fear judgement or sharing something they never have disclosed are the very reason relationships exist. Sharing hidden truths can be the hardest thing someone undergoes, but the rewards far exceed the safety of holding these secrets.

Every single aspect of living a sincere life within a relationship means taking a risk. Investing in another person, listening to them, adventuring beside them and sharing the deepest parts of your hearts with one another is not for the faint of heart. Be brave and trust the relational foundation of love. From there, a truer life awaits.

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Should you ever spend a night with your ex.

You get to indulge in the finer things in life without having to deal with the complicated process of forming a relationship. But where do you draw the line when it comes to one night stands?

Of all the people you could have a one night stand with, an ex is one of the most complicated. In the heat of the moment you may find yourself about to hook up with someone you thought you were never going to be with again.

If all goes well, it can be quite the treat. There is always the possibility however, that it will not. To avoid unnecessary drama in your life, there are a few things you should consider before hooking up with an ex, even for "old times' sake".

Is Anything Clouding Your Judgement?

This is the first thing you should always ask yourself if you are considering this situation. Hooking up with your ex can lead to a landslide of regret the following morning if you realize it's not something you really wanted to do.

If you are under the influence of any drugs or alcohol your decision making skills take a back seat and impulse and desire take over the wheel. Many impaired people let their clouded judgement take control and forget to think over consequences.

If you know there is a possibility of hooking up with your ex, make sure you have considered it with a completely sober mindset first.

Consider Why You Broke Up To Begin With

It is hard to define whether or not you should have a one night stand with your ex since it is so circumstantial. Certain people have no problem doing it and with others it leads to turmoil.
 Analyze the way your relationship was and think about why it ended. Which one of you wanted to end it? Did you split up on good terms?

Should you ever spend a night with your ex.

If you were the one that wanted to break it off, you should find out whether or not your ex still has feelings for you. They could be expecting something much different to come from the one night stand.

You don't want to hook up with them if it means you will end up breaking their heart all over again. To solve this issue, make it clear that it is only a one night deal. If you are both mature about it with control of your feelings, it could be fine.

Think About What You Are Looking For

The last thing to do before you hook up with an ex is to find out why you are doing it. Analyze the motives behind your actions before making the big decision.

Do you want to do it purely for the sex? If this is the case than why did you choose your ex? There are plenty of other new experiences laying ahead of you that you could be exploring.

If you are doing it purely for the comfort of being with someone you know, make sure you keep it strictly physical with minimal emotions.

But perhaps you are doing it for another reason. Is the one night stand motivated by a desire to be with them? If so, then why pick a one night stand? If the desire is strong enough, talk to your ex about your feelings and find out where they stand to see if your feelings match up.

Just be aware, if they are looking for sex and you are looking for a relationship, you could end up getting hurt. With all this in mind, deciding whether or not to hook up with your ex will be a lot easier. Before you make a final decision, prepare yourself for the fact that one night stands can toy with emotions before making your decision. Analyze the motives of you and your partner and just to be safe, make a set of rules that define the night as a one time thing.

NEW! Now You Can Stop Your Separation, Divorce or Lovers Rejection…Even If Your Relation Seems Hopeless!

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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